Crab Day 2007/8: A Prelude
January 17, 2008

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Crab_kid Photo Credit:  Gregory J. Smith

Crab season arrived late this year, but arrive it did.  As we do every year, we rung the season in with Crab Day, a major holiday of the ancient Moche people of Peru, in which they revered the crab as the consummate prevaricators.

This year, we weren't sure what celebratory dishes we wanted to make.  Crab cakes?  Made plenty of those last year.  Crab dip?  Seems like a waste of fresh crab.  Crab crepes?  Crab salad?  Crab Yangon (more commonly known as Crab Rangoon1)? 

The answers weren't clear, and the gods were not forthcoming.  But before I get into what we did do, let me first provide some general information about the regal crab.

Crab Families

Scientists have divided crabs into several families.  I have listed them below, along with several examples of each.

Edible Crab (Deliciousidae)

Crabs Large Enough To Be Truly Fearsome And Which Are Therefore Best Avoided (Crabzilladae)

Crab_linebacker

Crabs Which Are Too Small To Eat4 (Diminuitividae)

  • Thumbnail Crab
  • Peekytoe Crab

Crabs Which Are Often More Trouble To Eat Than They Are Worth And Yet Are Widely Touted As The Best Tasting Crabs In The World In A Way That Smacks Of East Coast Elitism (Orientosnobidae)

  • "Maryland" Blue Crab

Seasonal And Holiday Crabs (Festivusidae)

  • Christmas Island Red Crab
  • Halloween Crab

Other Types Of Animals Which Are Not Crabs, But Which Masquerade As Crabs, Often To The Point Of Placing "Crab" In Their Name With Intent To Deceive (Doppelcrabidae)

  • Hermit Crab
  • King Crab, e.g., Alaskan King Crab
  • [Hairy] Stone Crab
  • Crab Louse
  • Krab

Crab Facts

  • Coconut crab is not necessary, or even typically used for, coconut crab.  This is a common misconception.  The dish tastes just as good with other types of crab.
  • There has been some speculation that if you eat a Spider Crab and a Crab Spider they will cancel each other out, making for a possibly tasty but zero-calorie treat. No one has as yet volunteered to eat a Crab Spider in order to test this theory out, however.

  • Like most crabs, the Spider Crab walks and swims sideways.  But unlike the others of its kind, once a the year it can be seen walking forward and backward like normal animals:  during mating season.  As part of an elaborate dance that includes coordinated movements of claw, leg, and tail, the male attempts to woo the female with his mastery of non-lateral motion.   If she is suitably impressed, she will turn around, bring both claws together, and bow to indicate that she is willing to mate.

    It is only then that the truly dreadful act of copulation begins.   The male, who is much larger, picks up the female, jams her up against whatever passes for a crab pubis, and sways about sickeningly.  The female wriggles in terror, kicking out in obvious desperation.   Their legs mingle in one writhing, clicking, chitinous mass.  It has been said that "the only thing more unattractive than one spider crab is two of them mating."  The act has been known to cause nearby fish and other animals to flee, leaving only hatchet-footed mollusks, anemones, and other unfortunate, non-mobile sea creatures to be traumatized by the image. 

    It is in fact so horrifying that a female spider crab will only ever mate once or twice, storing up enough sperm in that instance to fertilize her for the rest of her life, as to avoid being so degraded ever again.  It is for this reason that female spider crabs are widely known as the Sex Camels of the Sea, and are further subdivided into Dromedaries or Bactrians, depending upon whether they go through life with one hump or two.

  • The Christmas Island Red Crab, so called because its liver smells like frankincense, is normally a very sedate creature.  For three months out of the year, however, it goes batshit insane, completely overrunning the island nearby its habitat.  (You really need to see this video -- it's seriously nuts.) Authorities attempted to control the population of these crabs with the introduction of this ant.  The plan backfired so badly that they later claimed that the introduction was accidental.  I don't blame them, though; what indication was there that bringing over something called the Yellow Crazy Ant was a bad idea?  Biologists are currently mulling over the introduction of the Maniacal Rabid Anteater as a possible countermeasure.

1.Referring to the capital of Myanmar, formerly known as Burma2.
2.A country in southeast Asia, formerly known as The Orient.
3.Scientists suspect that this crab's choice in name is at least partially responsible for its being overfished.
4.Though there has been some commercial interest in this family since the discovery of the Popcorn Shrimp by Dr. L.J. Silver in 1987.

Secondary photo credit:  Clonny

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